Ten Minutes in Bed with Shah Rukh Khan

It’s 8 o’clock on a Friday night and somehow I’ve ended up in a queen-sized bed on the 30th floor of a five-star hotel, lying next to the King of Bollywood. His right hand grasps my left flipper.

As the camera rolls, we are perfectly still — except for Shah Rukh Khan’s slow, even breathing.

I guess I should mention that I’m wearing a huge, green, fuzzy costume in the shape of a big, pudgy star, and that this is all part of a TV commercial shoot for Videocon.

As the world knows, Khan is in San Francisco for the next month shooting his next big film, Karan Johar’s “My Name Is Khan,” opposite Kajol. But on Khan’s occasional days off, he squeezes in other activities. Today, he’s agreed to shoot four scenes for a promo for Videocon’s launch of a new, bright green logo. The spots will air in India, explained Sunil Tandon, head of marketing for Videocon, India’s leading manufacturer of home appliances.

In the coming months, Videocon will also market its products in the United States. The company will also launch its own mobile phone service along with exclusive Videocon handsets, Tandon told India-West. So the company felt it was time to update its image.

The logo features two green, animated blobs, who have a playful relationship with Khan.

“Chaow is the kind-hearted character; he’s tall, bulky and fat. He has a soft heart; he tries to solve a problem, but does not succeed,” said Tandon.

“Maow is smaller. He comes up with ideas to solve the issue. The two then come together in an animation to create the Videocon logo.”

For the commercial shoot, Chaow and Maow will trail Shah Rukh Khan (as himself) as he shoots a Bollywood movie, takes a break, and snoozes in his hotel.

Maow is being played today by 5-year-old Dev Maheshwari of San Mateo, and Chaow is being played, in a marvelous stroke of luck, by me.

It seems the person who was originally supposed to wear Chaow’s costume, a tall Indian man, didn’t show up in time the previous day, when Khan and his crew, along with the Videocon team, traveled to the Wine Country to shoot in Healdsburg, Calif.

So all of a sudden, there was a vacancy. “I’m 5’10,” I thought to myself. “Why don’t I volunteer?” Before getting into the newspaper business I had a performing arts background, but I’d never worn a mascot costume before. No problem, said the director. You fit the costume, so you’re in.

The fuzzy green costumes were custom-made in Mumbai and crammed into huge suitcases. Mine is nearly seven feet tall, and very large around the middle, supported inside with a collapsible hula-hoop. Although two small eye-holes have been cut out and lined with green netting, it’s nearly impossible to see out or to hear anything, and in order to move from place to place, Dev and I must be led by the hand.

Today, Khan and Videocon have settled in the Castro District, whose colorful denizens range from the fabulous to the freaky — among the passersby were a young man in makeup and a short dress, topped off by a black and white parasol; and a 30-something punk in a Bauhaus t-shirt, with incongruous lip piercings and a pot belly, bumming smokes off the “Khan” crew.

Good thing our punk guest didn’t try to bum a smoke off King Khan himself, as the actor wouldn’t have one to spare. A lit Dunhill constantly hangs from his fingers, as Khan himself directs shots for the ad.

Inside The Mint, a tiny karaoke club on Market Blvd., Khan, choreographer Farah Khan, and Chaow and Maow crowd onto a tiny stage beneath a brightly lit up disco ball. Eighties music (Devo, the Cars) starts to play, and we all move to the music.

“Darling, a little to the left,” Khan tells me as I bump into Farah and nearly become entangled in a hanging strip of disco lights.

Later, we shoot a scene at lunch time (“Maow, be sure and eat all your meat and vegetables so you grow up big and strong like me. Chaow, you’re getting fruit,” says Khan), and a goodbye scene in which we wave to Khan while getting into a van.

Kajol wandered by a few times, on break shooting her scenes for “Khan.” Dressed in a hot pink trench coat, tight black pants and high-heeled black boots (her costume designer, Manish Malhotra, is never more than a few feet away), Kajol was always followed by an assistant holding a silver umbrella — just in case the sun got to be too much. But this is San Francisco, not Mumbai, so the assistant didn’t have too much to do. Later, Kajol relaxed by herself with a paperback, rebuffing any and all who tried to approach her to say hello.

But Khan plays his crowds differently. A dozen or so Indian American movie fans gathered on the sidewalk, and Khan patiently took time to pose for photos.

Some hours later, it was time for the last shot of the day. Dev (amazingly patient and good-natured over the past nine hours) reclines on one side of the bed and I do the same.

“We’re ready!” says a crew member, and Khan is called in. He climbs onto the bed and settles between the two of us, and we all lie still for the final shot.

“Cut! We’re done!” someone says.

As I gaze up at the ceiling through green eye holes, I remind myself to look up that morning’s horoscope.